


Shattered Soul and Lost Grace

by ghostea



Series: Delimpcol's Rare Pair Creation Challenge Fics [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Falling In Love, Gadreel is selfish in all the wrong ways, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Sam doesnt understand why he mourns, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 19:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7654159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostea/pseuds/ghostea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gadreel falls in love with Sam as he fixes him up from the inside. Then everything tumbles south when Gadreel tries to get redemption through Metatron's schemes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered Soul and Lost Grace

Gadreel felt exhausted. The fragile, shattered soul and body he was healing from inside shook as his grace moved. He never rested in his attempts to fix the broken shell of a man. It was beautifully macabre. It was much like how a small child would attempt to fix a sandcastle that the sea kept trying to swallow, each fixed wall crumbled as its brother was fixed. Watching it all filled Gadreel with a sanguine desire to smite all of those who damaged such a beautiful, radiant soul. Even on the brinks of death and defeat Gadreel wanted to bask his grace in its presence, huddle around its sunshine warmth and hush its whimpering cries.

And then he discovered, or at least, could finally put a name to it, selfishness. He wanted his own redemption in the form of fixing Heaven. He took Sam’s body without consent, killed his friend and he was _selfish_. Selfish in his desires, he had put all of Sam’s revival on hold on some futile attempt at redemption. There was no redemption for him in any of his brother’s eyes, his father’s eyes, Sam’s eyes.

Or at least he thought.

When he came begging to the Winchesters to help them Sam accepted him, even if he wasn’t trusted, he was accepted. And that’s all he needed. Or so he thought. He watched as Sam’s health began to rapidly decline again, ignoring the humans coughs of blood at the human’s insistence and slight fear of Gadreel.  
Gadreel couldn’t watch that.

Call it what you want but Gadreel’s end had more than one selfish reason. He wanted redemption, he wanted to help save Heaven, to save Castiel, to have at least one of his dear brother’s love him again like before his fall from grace. And he couldn’t watch Sam’s soul curl in on itself and die like a wounded, cornered animal. Sam’s soul, Sam’s beautiful soul was sentenced to suffer because Gadreel was selfish.

He tried to fill his mind with thoughts of what things could have been. He and Sam could have been friends, Sam could have let him continue to heal him, Sam could have learned to love him like Gadreel had fallen for Sam. It was a small comfort to him as he pushed the make-shift blade deep into his gut with the sigil painted on, feeling his wings burn one last time before he passed.

Sam felt it. He felt the warm grace that had once inhabited him die, like a part of Gadreel had been left in him and had created a sort of bond. A strange bittersweet longing and pain overtook him as he felt the connection frazzle out and fade. He wasn’t surprised when he next saw Castiel and was informed of Gadreel’s death. Sam frowned and tried to pull at the remaining grace inside him for an answer to check. Nothing. No gentle, candle-light warmth, no scents and longings to sit deep in the woods and watch life grow. Nothing. Gadreel was gone.

Sam didn’t understand why he mourned.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea to be honest. This is for the rare pair creations challenge, the theme being Edgar Allen Poe's works, this fic was inspired by the poem 'City Under The Sea'. I liked the poem a lot and could clearly see how it could relate to Sadreel, I just don't think I executed it very well. Oh well, something else for me to edit up at a later date.


End file.
